oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
