You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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