I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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