Your tits are I can't wait for
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
