you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
