HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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