I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
