Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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