is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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