Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
