btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
