Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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