I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I AM VODKA MAN
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
