I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish my penis had an off switch
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
