I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
