Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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