I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
