this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
