i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
