I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
