...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
