I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just forgot I was standing up.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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