Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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