I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
