I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We are all done wearing pants today
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
