She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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