I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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