he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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