I wish I could teleport
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
