The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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