She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
