Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
