It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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