i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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