seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
