i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
