she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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