Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
