when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
