Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
