I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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