Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
