i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
