I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
