obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
