How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
