I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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