My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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