Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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