I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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