Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
