lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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