Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
