At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
