Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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